Note to self: Don’t forget to take your medications for an entire week. That is what is causing your terrible mood swings.
minervamcgoogles is the personal blog of alexis, a graduated creative writing major. this is a place for writing and depositing photographs.
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My mood swings are intolerable. When I’m out and about, I’m fine — in fact, I’m better than fine. Which makes the swing downwards worse. Good thing I have a doofy cat to pretend is mine.
But it’d be much better if I didn’t need to cuddle a doofy cat to feel better.
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I set up an OKCupid profile.
Yep, I said it. I mean, I’ve had this account for 6 years, but never did anything with it, but now we’re in this for real. I answered questions. I’m rating people. People are rating me. It’s weird, but it’s working? We’re only on day three of having this profile live.
As I was setting up my profile, I was honest. I tried not to sound hokey, but I answered things truthfully. And then I went to add my photo.
I’m fat. I know I’m fat. People around me know I’m fat. I’m fat. I have been working to accept my body and love my body. I’m getting to the point where I’m working to be healthier, but I’m not focused on my weight. I am who I am, no matter what body I have and that’s that.
Until I went to add my photo. I added a photo of my face, which is obviously a full face, but doesn’t match how I see myself. It looks thinner than I think my face looks in real life.
I considered adding another photo, because I felt like I was lying to anyone who looked at my profile. “But they don’t know how fat I really am,” I thought to myself. “That photo is misleading — and what if they don’t notice that I put down that I’m full-figured?!” I can’t handle the idea of presenting myself as one thing while actually being another.
I know that my personality isn’t reflected in my body shape or size. I know that my body isn’t what makes me the person I am. But I still struggle with the idea of potentially misleading a person who looks at my profile.
I spent half an hour with my browser open and my mouse hovering over a photo of a full-view of me. I closed the browser and still haven’t added any more photos. It’s an online dating site, and as I look through profiles, I’m telling myself that I’m focused on what people have written about themselves, not their photos. I expect others to do the same. I know that looks have something to do with it (that greasy hair and the stained shirt aren’t doing it for me, I’m afraid — skip!), but it’s not everything. And I’m not even expecting anything to come of this profile on a dating site. It’d be nice, yeah, but am I expecting to suddenly find the person that I’d like to spend large amounts of time with who is also the perfect match in bed? No.
Side note: why do I keep getting matched with guys who’re in the army and/or super conservative? Did I answer a question wrong?
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I’m trying to sign up for OKCupid and someone took my username already. Those bitches.
Anyone have a suggestion for a good username that isn’t istalksnapetron…
I’m going full-on Harry Potter nerd. Accio_alexis it is.
Why does Tumblr automatically reblog to my second blog when I reblog myself? WHY?!
Oh, well, this is embarrassing. Apparently I registered for an account ages ago, because they had my email on file — I was the bitch that stole that username.
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I’m trying to sign up for OKCupid and someone took my username already. Those bitches.
Anyone have a suggestion for a good username that isn’t istalksnapetron…
I’m going full-on Harry Potter nerd. Accio_alexis it is.
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Can I just point out that they have a huge cage… and choose to dogpile on each other.
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